I cant do the detox diet now that I am on all these psych meds. It messes WAYYY to much with my entire body & well as my psyche. I found myself getting more & more anxious as Friday went on...I ended up sending poor T out to the pharmacy to get me some Ativan as I was on the verge of a panic attack. I just cant do it! That detox kit cost me 300 bucks!!!!!!! Now I dont know what to do...I doubt the doc. will take it back, mom doesnt want it...well perhaps down the road I will be able to use it..THINKING POSITIVE.
Dad is doing ok, no major side effects from chemo..he is just worn out, totally. Poor guy..but he is a trooper!
Kids were awesome this weekend, I am feeling closer & closer to them. Especially B, lately she has been confiding in me alot more & we have been laughing alot more too. I love to see her turning into a young woman. Scary, but good!!!
Went to church last nite & cried during the singing..FINALLY. I was just touched by the song & the message, I havent cried in church in a while, it felt so good. I am looking forward to getting more involved in the church & finally making some FRIENDS. I miss girlfriends, I really do.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
LONNNG time coming..
I have been wanting to start a blog for a LONG time now. I just never found the time or always found something else to do...I am a huge procrastinator.
I decided I needed an outlet to vent on all the issues that happen in my life. So much has gone on for me in 2010. You would all shudder when you read it, LOL. I am not sure who I will let read this, I am not sure anyone even WANTS to read this. I just know that I love to write & it is a healing process for me & I feel more important when someone actually READS my stuff & comments. I guess it validates me & makes me feel like less of a fuck up. yeah I said the F-bomb.
I guess the best way to tell you is to just list it all..i am a huge fan of lists, btw!
-Grandma died in March 2010
-Grandpa died in Sept 2010
-Dad diagnosed with Stage III cancer, has inoperable tumor on neck due to squamous cell skin cancer going untreated, currently undergoing chemo & more than likely will pass in 2011.
-Me diagnosed with mood disorder/depression, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder & bi polar.
-Living with a crippling bladder disease since 2004, as well as fibromyalgia since 2005.
-broke up with a long term boyfriend in Jan 2010 who I THOUGHT i was madly, crazy in love with, discovered I really wasnt, I was just co dependant
-Had some issues with pot smoking while with said boyfriend, also had an addiction to pain meds which I beat during one of the psych. hospital visits.
-Began intensive weekly therapy sessions to get my shit straight
-went into 2 diff. psych. hospitals 3 different times during the course of 2010 for anxiety
-attempted suicide in april 2010
-had a really mean, nasty ex husband but we suddenly reconnected Aug 210
-fell back in love with said ex husband & am now re-engaged to him...currently living together with our 3 kiddos, he has done a HUGE change & am madly in love
-adopted 2 adorable teacup chihuahuas for our Xmas present...expensive little suckers!
-Won social security disability after hiring a lawyer & won first try for my multiple issues.
-Discovered Jesus in May 2010 after a neighbor knocked on my door to talk to me..Christian now after being Catholic raised
-Currently dealing with a pretty bad over eating compulsion.
-Gained more than 50lbs due to various psych. medicines I was put on, highest weight I have ever been.
Oh & then in between all that drama, I was also a single mom to 3 kids...ages 8, 10 & 13. Yeah...its alot. Yeah, I get stressed...hence this blog. So this blog is going to be about various issues as listed above, as well as whatever else dribbles out of my leaky mind!!
I decided I needed an outlet to vent on all the issues that happen in my life. So much has gone on for me in 2010. You would all shudder when you read it, LOL. I am not sure who I will let read this, I am not sure anyone even WANTS to read this. I just know that I love to write & it is a healing process for me & I feel more important when someone actually READS my stuff & comments. I guess it validates me & makes me feel like less of a fuck up. yeah I said the F-bomb.
I guess the best way to tell you is to just list it all..i am a huge fan of lists, btw!
-Grandma died in March 2010
-Grandpa died in Sept 2010
-Dad diagnosed with Stage III cancer, has inoperable tumor on neck due to squamous cell skin cancer going untreated, currently undergoing chemo & more than likely will pass in 2011.
-Me diagnosed with mood disorder/depression, general anxiety disorder, panic disorder & bi polar.
-Living with a crippling bladder disease since 2004, as well as fibromyalgia since 2005.
-broke up with a long term boyfriend in Jan 2010 who I THOUGHT i was madly, crazy in love with, discovered I really wasnt, I was just co dependant
-Had some issues with pot smoking while with said boyfriend, also had an addiction to pain meds which I beat during one of the psych. hospital visits.
-Began intensive weekly therapy sessions to get my shit straight
-went into 2 diff. psych. hospitals 3 different times during the course of 2010 for anxiety
-attempted suicide in april 2010
-had a really mean, nasty ex husband but we suddenly reconnected Aug 210
-fell back in love with said ex husband & am now re-engaged to him...currently living together with our 3 kiddos, he has done a HUGE change & am madly in love
-adopted 2 adorable teacup chihuahuas for our Xmas present...expensive little suckers!
-Won social security disability after hiring a lawyer & won first try for my multiple issues.
-Discovered Jesus in May 2010 after a neighbor knocked on my door to talk to me..Christian now after being Catholic raised
-Currently dealing with a pretty bad over eating compulsion.
-Gained more than 50lbs due to various psych. medicines I was put on, highest weight I have ever been.
Oh & then in between all that drama, I was also a single mom to 3 kids...ages 8, 10 & 13. Yeah...its alot. Yeah, I get stressed...hence this blog. So this blog is going to be about various issues as listed above, as well as whatever else dribbles out of my leaky mind!!