Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Dear Body...

At the request of my awesome therapist N...she has asked me to write a letter to my body thanking it for what its done...(i have horrible self esteem)
To the Body of Karen...
Where to start?!  You have held me up 36 years so far.  Your legs are strong & never failed me except when I was learning to walk.  I have never fallen or stumbled thanks to you.  Legs were always something I was proud of, long, lean & sexy.  I have let you go.  Now you dont feel pretty or look pretty, there is fat & cellulite all around your muscles, no more slim & trim.  I am so sorry for that. 
The belly has always been a touchy point.  When I was a teen ohhh I was so proud of  you!!  I showed off my awesome abs in little short belly shirts, I loved the guys drooling over my 6 pack of abs.  I was known for them, guys would ask to see my belly.  You were my pride.  I felt so sexy with you.  Then children came & you lovingly grew & held 3 full term babies inside you.  Of course you have stretch marks, which I am proud of.  HOwever, again..now I have let you go & not taken proper care of you.  I feed you junk like ice cream, cookies & chocolate.  You have grown alot, but now there is no baby inside, you are now just protruding thanks to a bad diet & no exercise.  I am so sorry belly.
To my arms, you were always slender & well toned.  I was never ashamed to show you off in sleeveless shirts.  Now again, I failed you. You are chunky with dimples & very large upper arms make me ashamed of you.  It isnt your fault, I did it to you.  All your doing, body, is keeping up with me.  I have put you thru hell for the past few years. 
First we were dramatically skinny thanks to our extrme stress. Then we leveld out to a good weight of 150.  Then ,my poor body, we all got sick.  My bladder got sick.  No its not my bladders fault.  It isnt my fault.  Its the way the cards were given.  Due to this, we had to take countless different medicines.  Countless medicines that had horrid effects on us.  We went thru pain, nausea, burning, hunger, so much.  This body I have has been thru so many trials.  Yet it still hangs on.  My heart beats, my lungs breathe.  I can move, I can see, I can hear.  I can speak.  You have held up.  Perhaps my psyche is weak but you, body, have been steadfast. 
I am so sorry for the pains you feel.  For the constant burning we feel in our pelvis due to our disease.  For how raw you are bladder.  For the shame & embarrasment I heaped on you body.  It isnt your fault.  All you are doing is keeping me alive..helping me move thru my life.  I am thankful for you.  I love you body for holding me up. 
Its time that I start to see you in a different light, a beautiful light.  Every single body out there has flaws, mine has many.  Yet it hasnt failed. You deserve love, pampering, wellness.  We should be putting in healthy, strong food.  We should be exercising & working up sweat to run off the toxins & poisons in us. 
I pray that someday, body, we will not be on all our meds.  We will be whole.  But in the meantime I promise to work better for you.  You deserve it after 36 years.  Its time your taken care of...

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