Huh..

Dad had his 1st chemo appt. today.  It was so sad.  They have it in this room with a nurses desk in the middle & a bunch of comfy chairs surrounding it.  In the chairs sit people fighting for their lives.  Today my dad joined their ranks.  He will go weekly for...well, we dont really know HOW long.  He is getting smaller dosage of chemo so we are hopefully chemo side effects wont be as strong.  We got to speak with his oncology doc.  He stated that right now its just a guessing game if chemo will work.  HE also mentioned that somewhere down the line in a few months if the tumor does NOT shrink we will need to address the topic of hospice care. Meaning...dad is going to die.  That just stuck out to me in the entire conversation.   No one wants to see their loved one hurt or be in pain.  Is it wrong of me to wish my dad out of this???  Am I a bad daughter because I just dont have hope this will work?  How horrible is it of me to wish my dads death for his sake & peace?  I struggle with this. 

On another topic T is sick.  He spent most of last nite sleeping fitfully, he woke up this AM  & is currently snoring on the couch.  AFTER he took one of my Tyl 3...and after he picked a fight with me on how much our kids eat.  I admtted alot of the missing food was none other than me.  But yep, we have 3 growing kids & yep they eat alot....they arent babies anymore!!  I offer healthy choices mixed with some junk.  Once I go on my detox diet...there wont be half as much crap in this house.  But seriously t fight with me over ou kids eating habits?????  After I just came back from chemo with Dad?  Not cool T, not cool at all.  I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt & say it was the Tyl 3 talking...