Friday, January 14, 2011

Happy Birfday to ME!

Yep, today is my 36th birthday.  WOW..where on earth has time gone?!  I still feel like I am in my teens, sometimes in my 20's & bad days in my 80's LOL. The saying is your only as young as you feel, right??? 
Looking back on year 35 of my life is like a freaking soapopera!!!  I swear you could write a book JUST about my 35th year.  The ups, downs & dramas of that year.  Ohhh how i am glad to see it go.  But what I have learned in just 1 short year is amazing. 
I remember when I was 34 I saw a psychic & she told me that 35 would be a VERY hard year, but that towards the end of the year I would meet my soul mate.  Of course I was intrigued!!  And yes she was most def. right on.
Lets see what 35 had for me...I lost both my grandma &grandpa within 6 months of each other, I broke up with a man who I thought was the love of my life, I watched my father endure many surgeries on skin cancer, only to be diagnosed with Stage III cancer tumor.  I had a complete & total breakdown from Aprl until July causing me to enter not 1, not 2 but 3 different psychiatric facilities for help.  The 3rd on was the charm & I stayed for 10 days.  I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, GAD, major depression & anxiety panic disorder.  I have been on more psych meds than the biggest nutcases out there, LOL.  My body was put thru the wringer. I also still dealt with my bladder disease.  HOwever the breakdown caused me to be unable to do basic pay bills, watch tv, enjoy life, care for my kids, smile, sleep, took those months away from me. 
On the bright side...after July I came out a new person, I continued with intensive therapy with my absolutely wonderful therapist N.  She has been a true gift from God.  The progress I have made because of her is amazing.  I finally got on the correct meds, the correct dose & my moods are beginning to stablize.  I grew so much closer to my oldest daughter who for a long time hated me.  I now have the relationship with her I dreamed about.  I reconnected with my exhusband & we fell in love all over again...deeper.  I was asked to marry him...I am going to.  I adopted 2 adorable little puppies.  I put my family back together again.  I was accepted for SSDI.  I no longer have to stress about working.  I became closer to my daddy.  I learned who my true friends were.  I found Jesus & discovered my love of singing Christian songs (even if I cant carry a tune), I found a church.  I battled & won a dependancy on pain killers & pot.  Most important of all..I found me.  I discovered I like to paint, my love of writing is growing stronger daily, my urge to read & learn grows every day.  I was cursed this year, yet God took great care of me, He watched over me thru my struggles, He knew my pain would bring me to Him...and because of that pain I grew.  I grew in God, in myself, in my family & in my confidence.  I am truly grateful for 35. 
36 is going to be a calming will be a year where I take great care of myself.  Where I put myself first & my health.  I will drop 60 lbs with healthy eating & exercise.  My family will grow even closer as we move into Ts house together.  My dad will beat cancer & come out a better person, a Godly man.  I will gain close friendships with women.  I will be the influence in someones life.  I will make a difference. 
Thank you Lord for 35....Bless me as I move into 36.

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