Happy 2011! WHOOOOOPIE DOO, LOL.
Today I started my 21 day detox diet. Of course after I took 10 vitamins & supplements I took that oppotunity to binge on ice cream, candy & banana chips. Kids were gone at church & Tony was asleep. PERFECT binge time. I hate it. I am getting sneakier & sneakier with y eating, because I am so embarassed at how heavy I am. I weighed myself this AM...220lbs. OMG. OMFG is more like it. The heaviest I was when preg. was 178...wow. I would love to weigh 150lbs. That means I need to lose 70lbs. This detox diet should be a good jumpstart. PLUS I must get to OA meetings ASAP. I need support for SURE to beat this over eating.
Dad had a rough nite the nite before with hard to breathe, lots of coughing, rough to swallow. Mom has to deal with it all & I feel so bad. I just wish she would seek out some help from counseling groups for caretakers. I cant do it for her though. I am taking Dad Tue. afternoon to get his PICC line put in & then Thu. is his first chemo. Mom is thinking chemo will literally fix him. I have a different view. I think he will do one round, feel like HELL & then stop it. I think he will just give up & go. He doesnt want to fight. We cant fight for him. I just want him to be out of pain & HAPPY for his last days. I want mom to realize that there is a VERY good chance this chemo will break him down even more & he will get sicker & worse, not better. She looks at life thru rose colored glasses & when I bring up the hell that chemo is...she dismisses me. I need to remember that is HER. I cant fix her. SHe will be herself. I can just do me & prepare myself. Its tough.
OK, off to walk Simba for a spin around the lake.